Do you ever have a day when you just need to cry? That was me yesterday. It has been a long time since I've had a good cry like that and it has been a long time coming. I have, for the most part, avoided talking too much about our struggle to get pregnant on this blog. I know that most of you know what we have gone through and have been there to support us along the way. The last few months have been exceptionally difficult and I think that I have done a decent job of not falling apart at the seams even though it would be the easier thing to do.
Our struggle has been six long years of disappointment and heartbreak. In the beginning when we were the first of our friends to be trying to get pregnant it wasn't a big deal. Now as we approach thirty, almost all of our friends have families or are starting them, with a good number of them currently expecting.
It is pretty lonely world to live in when you don't have anyone to talk to that can relate to what you are feeling. Dave has been great but even he doesn't completely understand what I am going through.
Everybody keeps telling me to not let this consume my life. In all honesty, on most days I would say that I do a pretty good job. That said, it is impossible to ever completely escape. Every place you go there are pregnant women and children. This is a constant reminder of what I want more than anything in life. Even for a person with the strongest will to be a positive thinker, it is a difficult life to live.
I have spent time trying to come up something to compare it to, a way to provide perspective to everyone else. The truth is, there isn't anything. But at the end of the day, I am thankful for that b/c I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through anything like this.
Because of the medical issues that I have been having, we haven't been really able to focus on trying to get pregnant which only adds the frustration. It has, however, allowed to us to work on saving money to start the treatments again. They are both financially expensive and emotionally exhausting but we know that it will all be worth it if it finally works.
I'm not even sure what I was hoping to get out of writing this. I guess I just felt like I needed to say it. It is not in response to anything or anyone in particular - just an overall sense of needing to get it off my chest. I want to thank those of you who have been witness to the struggle and who have been supportive over the years. There is no way that I could have made it through without you.
Hugs,
Melissa
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3 comments:
I know it doesn't mean much, but just know that I think of you and pray for you and your struggle to be pregnant more than you could know, and will continue to do so!
Ditto, Sara. From the outside looking in, I wish there was something, anything I could do to help. But really there isn't, other than continuing to be your friend, a listening ear and a constant prayer for you and Dave.
Love you.
You are in my thoughts....love ya girlie!!
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